The real problem, in my opinion, was the decision to elevate Marwan to the main villain of the final 12 hours. It's been said that Arnold Vosloo was only supposed to appear in six episodes but his role was expanded after they were "impressed with his performance," which only makes you wonder what the original plan was for the second half.
Regardless, Marwan as a character simply was not compelling enough to deserve main villain status, even though the attacks he was carrying out were. Navi Araz at least had the family element, and the actor delivered. Vosloo did not.
So, I'm of the opinion that Marwan was not supposed to be the main villain that occupied Jack's and CTU's attention for the final 13 hours, but rather it was supposed to be McLennan-Forster. Why else the strong focus on them for those two hours? Why the EMP?
The evidence is even stronger when you watch a deleted scene in which Forbes, the man who captured and questioned Curtis in Hour 10, admits that he works for McLennan-Forster. Their intentions are left cryptic, and it is implied from the commentary that they were trying to work out the defense contractor's role in the story. And, as it appeared, they tried, but it didn't satisfy them, and they gave up, settling into the easier yet more clunky plot of more terrorist attacks by Marwan, even though they effectively broke the real-time conceit in the process.
In my fanfiction, I corrected all that by having McLennan-Forster be the sponsors of Marwan and his cells, therefore making the trial of Heller and the meltdowns the only pre-planned actions of Day 4. The second half thus becomes a desperate struggle by treasonous CEO Gene McLennan to escape the country and cover his tracks, but when things go horribly wrong, the rest of season follows his attempt to deliver a fatal blow to the country that destroyed everything he had built.
So, for the purposes of publishing this fanfiction, unlike Day 3, the first nine hours of Day 4 were perfect in my opinion and don't need any changes. It was only in Hour 10 that the solid ground of the season started to shift. There's only a small tinkering here, but things will get different after Hour 11.
Enjoy! :)
24: Day 4: Hour 10: 4:00 P.M. - 5:00 P.M.
Previously on 24...
The San Gabriel Island nuclear reactor begins to melt down. An engineer contacts Counter Terrorist Unit and explains that the radiation would spill into the atmosphere and spread until the core exhausted itself.
Paul Raines confronts Audrey Raines about her relationship with Jack. Paul says he thought they were trying to work things out, but she says he kept putting it off. Audrey reveals to Jack that she told Paul she was filing for divorce
While being interrogated by Erin Driscoll, Sarah Gavin insists that she had been set up.
Jack Bauer and Tony tracks down Henry Powell, the man who helped the terrorists obtain the Dobson Override Device. As soon as they take Powell into custody, he is killed by a sniper. They trace a number from Powell's cell
Navi arrives at the hospital and takes Behrooz hostage. Dina reminds Jack that she is only helping him to save Behrooz. She warns him that if Navi kills Behrooz, she will happily let the reactors melt down.
4:00 P.M. - 5:00 P.M.
4:00 P.M.
Jack briefs Heller, Driscoll and Audrey over the phone on the situation. He asks for a thermal SAT to scan the underground part of the building for two bodies.
4:03 P.M.
Navi drags Behrooz through the tunnels to a hospital laundry room. He calls Marwan to tell him that Dina has been captured by government agents who are surrounding him. He thinks she won't tell them anything as long as he has Behrooz hostage. Marwan says he needs an hour or two to melt down the remaining plants because CTU is blocking him from doing them all at once.
4:04 P.M.
Driscoll tells Jack that two thermo readings have popped up in the laundry room of the hospital. There's a chute that leads to that room from the third floor. Jack requests a rappelling harness.
4:05 P.M.
Upset over his mother's death, Edgar becomes lax in his work but Driscoll says that she is depending on him. Edgar thinks his programmers can slow down the Override but they cannot stop it completely.
4:06 P.M.
Curtis wheels the dead body of Powell into the interrogation room where Marianne is being held. He tells her that the same people want her dead. Marianne agrees to talk, but she doesn't know any facts about Powell or the terrorists. She does know that Powell kept the names of his contacts on his office computer. However, her thumbprint is the only thing can access it.
4:09 P.M.
Jack tells Dina that Behrooz is still alive. They need her to call Navi to distract him.
4:10 P.M.
Jack rappels upside down into the laundry chute, trying not to make any noise. When he's halfway down, he radios Tony to have Dina make the call. She tells Navi that she will keep her mouth shut until he releases Behrooz.
4:11 P.M.
Jack lands in the laundry room from the chute. As the rappelling rig is retracted up into the chute, it clangs on the metal duct. Navi hears this and goes out to investigate. Jack knocks the gun from Navi's hand, but Navi fights back. Jack is forced to head butt him to get him off.
4:13 P.M.
Jack tries to take Navi hostage, but he and Behrooz get into a brawl over his gun. Behrooz fires at Navi, who is hit in the chest. Before he dies, Navi takes the same gun and shoots at Behrooz. Tony barges into the room and checks on Behrooz's condition.
4:14 P.M.
Dina is brought in and she sees her son is alive but in need of immediate medical attention. Jack demands that she tell him where the Override is, but she doesn't know. She gives him an address in the Valley where she last saw the men who took possession of the Override device. Jack orders an advance team to the site, and he has the agents bring Dina with them until they can confirm the story. Behrooz will stay at the hospital.
--Commercial Break--
4:19 P.M.
Curtis briefs the team about Marianne's claims. Although Driscoll wants Curtis to remain at CTU, Heller and Audrey feel that he should accompany Marianne to the computer site.
4:20 P.M.
Driscoll goes to see Sarah, who is recovering in the clinic. Although Driscoll believed she was innocent, she was forced to act upon the evidence from Heller. Sarah wants to go back to work.
4:21 P.M.
Curtis places a tracking chip on Marianne's ankle.
4:22 P.M.
Heller sends Audrey out to assist the local Defense Department office, which is overwhelmed.
4:23 P.M.
Sarah returns to her workstation and Edgar brings her up to speed on the Marianne situation.
4:24 P.M.
Jack and Tony arrive at the address that Dina provided, meeting up with the CTU backup team. They raid the house, which is empty. Jack finds a hidden basement that contains schematics of the nuclear power plants, passenger manifests from the train that was bombed and surveillance photos of Heller and Audrey. Jack is in the background of one of these photos.
--Commercial Break--
4:31 P.M.
Sarah learns that the owner of the building where Jack found the hidden basement is owned by a company called Galaxy Financial.
4:32 P.M.
Sarah calls Jack to tell him that the CFO of Galaxy is Paul Raines – Audrey's husband. Sarah patches Jack through to Audrey, who doesn't believe that Paul had any part in her kidnapping. Jack wants Audrey to get Paul on his cell, but she can't give away what has been discovered.
4:35 P.M.
Audrey calls Paul, who is about to check out of his hotel. Audrey lies about rethinking their divorce and she asks him if she can come over. He gives her his room number.
4:36 P.M.
Jack orders a full forensic search of the building. He asks Tony to take Dina back to CTU, but Tony isn't sure he wants to return to where he was fired. Jack says that he has seen Tony come back to life while working on this case, and his assistance could help him get reinstated. Tony is moved, and accepts the offer.
4:37 P.M.
Audrey calls Jack and says that she must go meet Paul at his hotel. Jack insists that he meet her there.
--Commercial Break--
4:42 P.M.
Driscoll agrees with Heller approving Tony's reinstatement. Driscoll lets him know about Paul Raines's connection to the terrorists. Heller is furious when he finds out that Audrey is going alone to meet Paul at his hotel.
4:44 P.M.
En route to Powell's office, Curtis is briefed by CTU on Paul. He asks Marianne if she is knows anything about Paul, but she claims ignorance.
4:45 P.M.
As she arrives at the hotel, Audrey gets an angry call from her father. Audrey doesn't believe that Paul would try to hurt her because he is under the impression there is a chance to get back together. She hangs up on Heller.
4:46 P.M.
Tony enters CTU with Dina and assures her that Behrooz will recover. Driscoll gives Tony a badge and welcomes him back. She agrees to let Tony head up the interrogation. Driscoll walks away from Tony and asks Sarah to keep an eye on him in case he goes off protocol along with Jack. Sarah accuses Driscoll of only being nice to her to keep her as an ally. She believes Driscoll feels forced out of power by Jack and Tony. Sarah demands a promotion and her arrest expunged in return for her help. Driscoll agrees.
4:48 P.M.
Audrey arrives at Paul's room. He pours champagne and inquires about her change of heart. "I'd hate to think you were playing some kind of game with me," he says.
--Commercial Break--
4:53 P.M.
As he speeds to the hotel, Jack calls Driscoll. He requests that backup move in quickly to protect Audrey from Paul.
4:54 P.M.
Marianne and Curtis arrive at Powell's office with their backup. Curtis is suspicious, and the agents sweep the room.
4:55 P.M.
Marianne enters her thumbprint into the computer and she becomes alarmed when it asks for a second password. Suddenly, three armed men enter the room after killing the other agents. Marianne pleads that the files are still secure. They shoot her anyway, and remove Curtis's gun. An American man named Forbes questions Curtis on how far along CTU is with the investigation. Curtis doesn't answer, and the men knock him unconscious.
4:57 P.M.
As Audrey stalls for time, Paul grows suspicious and becomes violent. Jack barges in with his gun at the ready. "You set me up!" Paul yells to Audrey. Jack says that he wants answers. When Paul refuses, Jack punches him.
